Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
