I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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