I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
