he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
