Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
