My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
