Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize