Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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