I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
