So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize