i jhust puked up my retainher.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
