your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
