Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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