So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
