my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
