I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
