and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
