im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
