so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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