I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
