highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
