Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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