Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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