so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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