As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
do nipples grow back?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
