I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
