ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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