I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
