okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
