she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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