I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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