1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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