you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
