I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
