Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
