is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize