How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
