She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
