Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will pee on everything he values.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
