Umm I'm too high to move.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
what the fuck is wrong with you
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