Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
