Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
