3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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