Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
