you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
