I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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