I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
