So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
