Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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