Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
