there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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