dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
