I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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