First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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