dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
