I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
