dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
