I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
