Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You don't make any sense
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