just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
