But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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