hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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