It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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