Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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