i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
