he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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