so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
