life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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