and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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