I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
