We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
