I'm so fucking centered right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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