Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
