I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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