the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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