dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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