I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
