i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
