Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
