is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
