So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
