i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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