I hate all girls vehemently.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
