So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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