he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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