ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
