Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
