I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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