he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize