and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
