i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
