can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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