It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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